How To Deal Effectively With Conflict
Conflict in life is inevitable: work relationships, family, friends, contract negotiations, making your way in the world, the list is endless. Relationships may start out being promising but many will end in conflict and possible acrimony so keeping a close eye on making sure the conflict is minimised makes sound sense.
Avoiding conflict is very common for many people: we would just rather not face the issues or brush them under the carpet rather than air them and deal proactively with the problem. We might ignore them in the hope that things will just disappear or fade with time but this just makes things become more extreme and makes things infinitely worse for all concerned,
Start dealing with the issues NOW!
Never delay or put off recognising and talking about the problems that are creating the conflict. The best time to start doing this was obviously some time ago but the second-best time to deal with things is NOW! It is never a good idea to let things fester.
Seek out help to get things moving.
Try to find an objective and impartial Third Party who can see things form both sides and bring in some much needed rationality and sense to both sides. This hopefully avoids passionate and biased narratives and should establish the central ground needed for a sensible and mature resolution to the conflict that is being seen currently. The Third Party can neutralise toxicity and de-personalise the issues and topics that need to be addressed.
Clarify intentions.
When emotions are flying around and the atmosphere is charged, clarity around subjects will always be a casualty. It can be honest, calming, and clarifying to share what each person really wants. Whatever the views of all concerned, everyone’s intentions and opinions need to be shared so that everything is out in the open.
Identify the critical issues.
By having a strong commitment to identify the most important issues that are creating the conflict that you are experiencing you should be able to move aside the minor niggles and frictions that would otherwise get in the way of progress. What key issues, once addressed, would resolve 80% or more of the current hostility and friction? A focus on the big hot spots will probably resolve much of the conflict that you are experiencing and help in making the relationship work in the future.
Be compassionate.
This means compassion for everyone including yourself: think of how others are feeling from the underlying stresses and pressures that are creating the current situation. Remember that everyone is a human being and all of us will feel a wide range of emotions in the situation so be kind and understanding, however difficult that might be.
Good Luck!
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